Leadership Accountability

1. I am aware of the conversations I tend to avoid because they are not comfortable for me.

2. I am aware of my 'come from' in my interactions with those I lead.

3. I know when I am in emotional reaction.

4. I can tell when I'm not present.

5. I know what to do to bring myself present again.

6. I know what my patterns of armoring/self-protection look like.

7. I recognize when my ability to connect - and therefore lead - effectively has been compromised because of my armoring/self protecting.

8. I know the difference between what 'gives me life' (gives me energy, expands me, lifts me) and what reassures, numbs or distracts me.

9. I notice when I get caught in negativity or non-productive story.

10. I recognize when I have unmet needs influencing my thoughts, feelings or behavior and take appropriate action to address those needs.

11. I observe my feelings and the thoughts tied to those feelings as foundational practice in continually developing my emotional literacy - and accountability.

12. I consistently manage my emotional reactions so they don't leak out in conversation.

13. I NEVER dump my emotional reactions on others. This includes, but is not limited to: sulking, snapping, barking, sniping or yelling.

14. I do not seek to make myself feel better, stronger or more powerful by diminishing anyone else. Ever.

15. I do not allow criticism, judgement, or my personal reactions to negatively color my interactions.

16. I do not inflict unquestioned urgency on others in my interactions with them - particularly not those I lead.

17. I strive to maintain an open heart in all of my interactions - with myself and others - and I take responsibility for appropriate self-care when I discover my heart is closed.

18. I make it a practice to identify and address any unconscious emotional patterns that limit my ability to connect, engage, motivate, respect or develop those I lead.

19. I cultivate my awareness of all the forms bullying can take to ensure I do NOT participate in - or perpetuate - any of those patterns. EVER.

20. I do not rely on 'power over' as a way to make myself feel better, stronger, in control or reassured.

21. I do not use control as a way to manufacture a sense of safety or reassurance.

22. I consistently strive not to make others wrong, even when I disagree.

23. I consistently seek to practice compassion in all my interactions - for myself as well as the others involved.

24. I seek to build people up through our interactions instead of tearing them down.

25. I deliver requests for behavior change without diminishing the other person or their contributions.

26. I know when and how to soften a tough message - and do so.

27. I make time to be fully present in my interactions with others.

28. I do not interupt others when they are speaking.

29. I NEVER speak disparagingly about others. I am a snark-free zone.

30. I make sure to share any accolades that come my way by including all who are part of successful outcomes.

31. I acknowledge both the contribution and humanity of others.

32. I validate emotions, including my own.

33. I continually work to expand my capacities for respect and affirming by also continuing to surface and transform any old biases programmed into me by the cultures that have shaped me.

34. I use every day interactions to support the development of those I lead.

35. I work to be sensitive to when and where assumption shows up in conversations - mine as well as assumptions by others.

36. I ask for clarifiction from others to ensure I don't assume [as much as possible].

37. I begin my personal accountability with being present to ensure I don't assume or step over anything in conversation.

38. I no longer give constructive criticism. Instead, I now offer only constructive feedback.

39. I weave performance evaluation and correction through all of my interactions with those I lead instead of limiting it to once or twice a year conversation.

40. I don't hold people accountable for thinking, behaving and performing the way that I do.

41. I don't expect or hold people accountable for having the same strengths, talents, gifts and perspectives that I do.

42. I know the difference between holding someone accountable and punishing.

43. I do not punish. EVER.

44. I NEVER disrespect, discount or diminish others.

45. I understand that simply telling someone what needs to be done does not ensure they understand my expectations.

46. I refrain from shaming or blaming and ask those around me to do the same.

47. I can tell when I'm defensive, restistant and closed down.

48. I can tell when others are defensive, resistant and closed down.

49. I remain curious when listening to others and use that curiosity to help engage their thinking and mine.

50. I know when someone else is not fully present in the conversation.

51. I know the difference between tough love and punishing.

52. I pay attention to the narrative of the dominant culture to ensure I am not unconsciously shaped, seduced or driven by it.

53. I notice when someone (including myself) is fully enrolled or 'all in' - and when they are not.

54. I notice power dynamics between people.

55. I notice when I am hooked into 'old school' power dynamics, a.k.a. 'power over' including controlling, dominating, coercing or manipulating.

56. I notice when someone else has a need to be heard, acknowledged or reassured.

57. I understand 'engaged' means something other than 'working hard.'

58. I am mindful of where I'm engaged (a.k.a. giving my full attention) at any given time.

59. I understand conversation can foster connection as well as disconnection.

60. I know how to successfully use conversation to foster connection and engagement.

61. I remain curious when listening to others and use that curiosity to help engage their thinking and mine.

62. I know how to use conversation to support others with being fully present - and engaged - in interactions.

63. I'm willing to have difficult conversations.

64. I put connection and clarity first in my interactions.

65. I model the qualities of engagement I want to experience with those I lead.

66. I invite push-back and reality checks from those I lead.

67. I encourage others to be transparent with me - and I am not retributive when they are.

68. I understand how I am accountable to the engagement levels of those I lead.

69. I understand engagement is relational.

70. I routinely create and update engagement agreements with direct reports, peers and my boss.

71. I weave accountability seamlessly into interactions with those I lead.

72. When I don't know, I say so.

73. I know the difference between leading and coercing.

74. I invite or enroll vs. coerce or manipulate.

75. I NEVER shame - myself or others.

76. I recognize what triggers me into driving, forcing, coercion or manipulation and actively take steps to reshape my responses to those triggers.

77. I know what my coercive and manipulative behaviors look like and have practices in place for self-correction when those behaviors show up.

78. I do not push others to produce as a way to make myself feel better.

79. I do not use 'power over' others as a way to make myself feel stronger.

80. I do not treat performance goals as moving targets based in ever-increasing demands for output.

81. I understand that cheerleader 'rah-rah' can be a way to dress up coercion and make it look appealing.

82. I include those I lead in collaborative conversations to establish performance goals vs. arbitrarily deciding those goals myself.

83. When I notice someone who appears 'not motivated,' I check myself first for how I am engaged with and relating to that person.

84. I know how to use acknowledgement to help others feel heard and understood.

85. I don't try to hide my uncertainty or lack of confidence by being verbose.

86. I know the difference between an observation and a direct request.

87. I know how to summarize, distill and 'bottom-line' in order to help others feel heard and understood.

88. I don't expect or hold people accountable for being able to read my mind.

89. I know how to have difficult conversations [on the whole].

90. I put connection and clarity first in my interactions.

91. I take responsibility - and time - for confirming others have heard and understood me, especially when sharing my expectations of their performance.

92. I do not allow the dominant culture to limit how I communicate - with myself or others.

93. I invite discovery conversations - AND stay present for them.

94. When someone does not understand what I am saying, I know to find an alternative way to express myself vs. continuing to repeat the same words over and over.

95. When someone doe not understand me or does not respond the way I want them to, I do not get caught in the trap of escalating from informing to convincing to coercion.

96. I pay attention to the narrative of the dominant culture to ensure I am not unconsciously shaped, seduced or driven by it.

97. I question the narrative of the dominant culture.

98. I choose to shape culture instead of having the dominant culture tell me who I can and can't be, how I can and can't show up, and what I can and can't say.

99. I cultivate my capacity for meeting uncertainty and helping those I lead do the same - instead of trying to ignore, overcome or defend against it.

100. I begin my culture shaping by exploring my personal, internal culture so the stories born of that culture don't limit my thinking, perspective, choices, behavior or possibilities.

101. I notice power games and offer alternatives vs. getting caught in and perpetuating them.

102. I notice the language of the culture and where that language is affirming and where it is not.

103. I include all stakeholders in my thinking; this includes those I lead.

104. I notice the pace of the culture and whether that is life affirming or depleting.

105. I know what I stand for.

106. I know what my stand requires of me and how/where that calls me to grow.

107. I do not go to war as a way to address challenges or bring about change.

108. I understand and practice an 'akido' approach to opposition.

109. I do not coerce or manipulate - myself or others - as a way to bring about desired change.

110. I practice tuning into and articulating the characteristics of the culture I want to foster.

111. I continually work to notice when/where I'm attempting to resolve an 'old culture' issue while I am still operating from within the patterns of that old culture.

112. I choose to foster a collaborative, co-creative culture - and I recognize how/when/where that requires me to change/grow/shift.

113. I continually work to foster a culture of mutual respect and affirmation, which includes modeling healthy boundaries and honoring others' boundaries.

114. I continually work to foster a culture of emotional safety and act on that committment by doing my own emotional work on an ongoing basis.

115. I work to foster a culture of possibility by remaining open and curious, and making it possible for others to do the same.