{"id":669,"date":"2013-05-23T18:48:50","date_gmt":"2013-05-23T23:48:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/coachesfinishingschool.com\/?p=669"},"modified":"2018-12-19T16:35:09","modified_gmt":"2018-12-19T21:35:09","slug":"the-hidden-faces-of-control-in-coaching-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lynallen.com\/the-hidden-faces-of-control-in-coaching-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"The Hidden Faces of Control in Coaching, Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/coachesfinishingschool.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/05\/armor-20456607.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft  wp-image-673\" title=\"armor-20456607\" src=\"http:\/\/coachesfinishingschool.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/05\/armor-20456607-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"86\" height=\"80\" \/><\/a><a title=\"The Hidden Faces of Control in Coaching\" href=\"http:\/\/coachesfinishingschool.com\/the-hidden-faces-of-control-in-coaching\/\">Part 1 of this article <\/a>examines some of the more subtle\u00a0ways coaches can\u00a0become controlling in their coaching.\u00a0And &#8211; there are two sides to this coin:\u00a0Your clients can also get caught in the dynamic of control.<\/p>\n<p>Surprised? Consider what happens in a coaching interaction when your client:<\/p>\n<p>1)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Is needful and wants you\u00a0to give the answers.<\/p>\n<p>2)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Comes into the coaching already looking for an exit. They aren&#8217;t &#8220;all in.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>3)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Uses story to keep from being present and connected in intimacy<\/p>\n<p>4)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Repeatedly allows the distractions in their lives\u00a0to get\u00a0in the way of the coaching<\/p>\n<p>Any of these sound familiar? If you encounter any of these patterns, remember:<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong><span style=\"color: #008080;\">Control is a form of armor used to create a sense of security.<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>Have compassion, for yourself and anyone else when controlling behavior shows up. Use this advice from Thomas Leonard\u00a0to help avoid getting caught in controlling behavior\u00a0:<\/p>\n<p><em><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><strong>Put people\u00a0ahead of\u00a0results.<\/strong><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p>Also, remember the power of vulnerability and authenticity. The opposite of control, they\u00a0are also hallmarks of masteful coaching.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Brene&#8217; Brown speaks to this beautifully:<\/p>\n<p><em><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><strong>Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">\u00a0She also says:<\/span><em><span style=\"color: #008080;\"> <strong>Authenticity is a practice and you choose it everyday.<\/strong><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p>Lovely wisdom, yes &#8211; but how to live into it?<\/p>\n<p><strong>How do you, Coach, open your huge, generous heart, dare to be vulnerable and authentic &#8211; and <em>powerfully out of control<\/em> &#8211; \u00a0so you can serve your clients more deeply?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>1)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Give yourself permission to be a work in progress, even in your coaching. Hold your humanness gently, with compassion.\u00a0It&#8217;s powerful\u00a0 modeling \u2013 and a gift to the world when you embody this energy.<\/p>\n<p>2)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Focus on the learning first \u2013 your client\u2019s as well as\u00a0yours. This will shape your curiosity.<\/p>\n<p>3)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Distinguish between <strong>compassion for<\/strong> and <strong>protection of <\/strong>your clients.<\/p>\n<p>4)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Choose to give yourself access to the energetic resonance that you want to live into. Give yourself <em><strong>regular doses<\/strong><\/em> of the energy you want to embody by accessing the people who hold that energy for you.<\/p>\n<p>5)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Choose to be <strong>all in<\/strong> to your own journey and you\u2019ll see your clients mirror this. Notice how being all in can challenge your vulnerability.<\/p>\n<p>6)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Practice finding the beauty in what is so you\u2019ll have more capacity to be with what is vs. try to change it to mitigate pain.<\/p>\n<p>Am I advocating that we all relinquish all control? Heavens no. But I am advocating for finding the freedom, intimacy and power available when we do let go, if just a teensy bit more.<\/p>\n<p>In celebration of your daring to be\u00a0 powerfully out of control,<\/p>\n<p>Lyn<\/p>\n<p><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Part 1 of this article examines some of the more subtle\u00a0ways coaches can\u00a0become controlling in their coaching.\u00a0And &#8211; there are two sides to this coin:\u00a0Your clients can also get caught in the dynamic of control. Surprised? Consider what happens in a coaching interaction when your client: 1)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Is needful and wants you\u00a0to give the answers. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[45,88,1],"tags":[27,36,30,13],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lynallen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/669"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lynallen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lynallen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lynallen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lynallen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=669"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lynallen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/669\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lynallen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=669"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lynallen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=669"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lynallen.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=669"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}